Why I don't quit

You better start the business you dreamed of or fully give up on the idea. But don't live in the "undetermined" state.

I was recently asked on Twitter:

I probably have never thought about that.

Short answer: I don't give up and don't quit because I am curious about how far I can go. I am also ready to fail. But I don't want to live in the unresolved "what if I could" state—it is a life of torture. But I want determination and inner peace. Who doesn't want it? 

Spoiler: I still don't have that inner peace.

It all started two years ago...

Tears of pain

I came home, sat in front of my wife, and just began crying. I couldn't stop myself but cried loudly. I wanted to scream. 

Stock options, decent compensation, a super exciting project in the growing industry, challenging tasks, the kindest and the smartest ever team lead, coworkers from elite universities, perfect location... 

I found the best job I could ever find. And I still wasn't satisfied. My intrinsic self was protesting, even torturing me. And I didn't understand why. 

It was so damn painful. Why I can't be like others? Just go to a job, enjoy all the benefits, write code, and work with great people. Why? 

Tired of torturing myself, I needed inner determination

I stopped crying and told my wife: "I must resolve that problem. I can't keep dreaming about building my products. I either fail or succeed—I don't care. But it has to be determined. Enough of these tortures."

I was tired of dreaming about working on my product. I felt exhausted from not finishing side projects or launching them but not progressing much. 

Michael Jordan: “If it turns out that my best wasn’t good enough, at least I won’t look back and say I was afraid to try.”

I wanted to be content internally so that if I failed, I could just go back to employment and be fully dedicated to it without even having side projects. Or if I succeeded, I would keep growing my products, then my company, and then whatever happens I surrender to it. 

Resigned

I went back to work, I told my manager that I was going to resign. 

It was a humiliating experience, since how I could explain what what was the problem? People probably assumed that I lied that everything was good. But indeed everything was good. The job itself wasn't the problem. I was the problem. 

At least one paying customer 

I also decided to act differently this time. Instead of building something ambitious. I decided to build something small. I joined Twitter and started talking about what I was building, making friends, and in general having fun. 

I said to myself, if I can get at least one paying customer in 2-3 years (limited by runaway), I will be happy and keep grinding—that will be a validation for me. 

I built a few tools and then built my project ScreenshotOne which I keep polishing to this day. 

It is a long story for another issue, but after 6-8 months, and my first tough marketing month, I got my first paying customer.

My first customer shares how they use my product.

Then I set my goal to have 10 paying customers. Then it was 100, now it is 300 and $10K MRR. And I am slowly approaching it:

Focus on the journey

I don't know what my goals will be after I reach $10K MRR. Seriously! I can go traveling around the world, hire, or build another company, start learning the guitar, whatever. 

But I keep grinding almost daily. Because I am curious how far I can go. And I don't feel that I have failed, yet I haven't succeeded. I want it to be determined and now it is not. 

My GitHub contribution graph.

It is crazy to say, but I started to love the journey and care less about the goals. I don't know if it is right or not. But I really appreciate that opportunity so that I can follow my intrinsic motivation and explore myself as an entrepreneur.  

I don't plan to quit and don't plan to give up until I see a complete failure or complete success. 

I know, I might be dumb. But I want to be determined and content. 

Thank you!

Damn! Thanks a lot to the Twitter community for all the questions asked. Writing all that really helped me to clarify what I am doing now and why I am doing it.